Closing Time
by MaryWhite
Summary: Olivia gets a request to help someone she use to be close with. Will she find the closure she needs or will everything in her life be turned upside down?
1. Chapter 1

Closing Time

Chapter One:

 _Alarm sound_ … Olivia sighed and got up. 6:30 am was pretty much the norm for the Lieutenant and mother. She always made it an important part of her day. Mornings were really the only time she could spend with her son. After walking Noah to school, she got lost in thoughts and dreads. Olivia knew this was going to be a difficult day. It always was on the anniversary of Elliot's departure. She always tried to keep busy and forget that horrible day but was never successful. Through time and with Noah's help, missing Elliot was getting easier, although it changed her life forever.

As she walked in to the precinct, it felt like any other normal day. She went to her office and was briefed by Fin about a case involving a 16 year old girl and her 22 year old boyfriend. Nothing that Fin couldn't handle on his own. While reading through emails, she faintly heard a knock on her door. Not even looking up she replied, "Come in."

"Hey, Olivia."

Her heart skipped a few beats at the all too familiar voice. She took her reading glasses off and looked up only to see Kathleen standing in her doorway holding a cup of coffee and smiling from ear to ear. Olivia stood up and walked over to give her a hug.

"Wow…Kathleen. How long has it been?"

Kathleen Stabler hugged Olivia back and sighed, "Almost 8 years. How have you been?"

Olivia gestured for the young woman to take a seat as Olivia took her seat at her desk. "I've been good. Touch and go for a while but everything seemed to have fallen in to place. You?"

Elliot's second oldest daughter looked down at her cup and only replied, "It's been okay. I graduated from college and working at the trauma center at Mercy Hospital."

"That's amazing sweetie. As much as I would love to sit and catch up, it's been almost 10 years so I know this isn't a social call. What's up?"

Olivia could tell that Kathleen was having a hard time saying what she came to say and in the pit of her stomach, she knew it had to do with Elliot because otherwise, why would Elliot's daughter even be here.

Kathleen sighed and replied, "I actually need to ask a favor."

"Okay. What can I help with."

Kathleen hesitated. She continued to look around the room and stopped at a picture of Noah. "Who is this cutie?"

Olivia had a big smile on her face and stated, "He's my son. I adopted him about 6 years ago." She loved talking about Noah but she knew this was a tactic to side track the conversation. "Kathleen, why don't you just ask me what you came here to ask me?"

"Because I'm kind of apprehensive about the whole thing."

Okay, now Olivia was confused. "Why?"

"It involves my dad and mom and I know that he left 8 years ago. I'm just not sure about how my dad left things with you and…"

Olivia held up a hand to stop her. "Hold on. Your dad and I didn't leave on good or bad terms honey. He just left but it was a long time ago."

Olivia could hear Kathleen sigh and then she saw the young woman place her empty coffee cup in the trash next to Olivia's desk.

"I need to ask you something and I know it's going to be a weird request. Just hear me out until the end without interruption and then you can give me an answer."

That threw her off a bit. Now Olivia was intrigued. What could Kathleen possibly be asking her to do that would be this hard to actually say? "Okay."

"Okay, here it goes. My mom and dad got divorced about 3 years ago. At first, I thought they were going to be okay and then about 6 months ago my mom started dating this doctor at the hospital she works at. Now I'm not so sure my dad is okay. I'm pretty sure he went to our grandfather's cabin in Buffalo and now we can't seem to get him out of this funk he's in. He won't answer his phone, he's not really even responding to his texts and we are all worried about him."

Olivia took every word that Kathleen was saying and letting it sink in. Elliot was divorced. She knew that it was a possibility when he and Kathy first split but after Eli was born, she thought they would eventually work it out.

"Okay, so what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to go to Buffalo and talk to him. Maybe you can convince him in to coming back home. He has an apartment in Brooklyn. Just…talk to him and make sure he's okay."

"Kathleen…why would me being there make a difference? I haven't seen or heard from your father since he left SVU 8 years ago? Even if I could find the time to take the long drive to Buffalo, what makes you think I could make a difference?"

Kathleen stood up and looked Olivia in the eye, "Because you and he always had a connection. I know that he wants to see you, Liv. Please just…promise me you will think about it?"

Kathleen wrote her number down on a piece of paper and walked out of the office leaving Olivia to her thoughts. She's never been able to deny a request from Elliot's children but this was a pretty big request. As much as she wants to see Elliot, she doesn't have any confidence that he wants to see her. He walked out on the job and her so many years ago without a thought or a care for her so why would he even care to see her now?

While lost in thought, Fin walked in to her office and shut the door behind him. "Was that who I think it is?"

"Yeah…that was Kathleen."

Finn smoothed his face with his hand and replied, "What the hell was she doing here?"

"Long story short, she wants me to drive to Buffalo and convince her father to come home and for some odd reason, she thinks I'm the best person to convince him."

Finn just leaned against the door and gave Olivia a questioning look. "So, what did you decide to do?"

Olivia just shook her head, "I have no idea. I'm not so sure that I would make a difference anyways."

"And why not?"

"Finn, I haven't seen or heard from Elliot in almost 8 years. Why the hell would he want to see me."

Finn sat down on the couch that was in her office and looked in her eyes with intent. "Liv, I think we can all understand why he left the job. Shooting a young girl isn't something anyone would or could get over but don't you think that after all you've been through with the man you deserve some answers?"

Olivia sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I used to think that I needed answers but it's been so long. I have Noah now and I'm in charge of this unit. I can't just up and leave."

Finn smiled, "I can take charge, Liv. I am a sergeant now. As far as Noah, can't Lucy watch him for a few days? Either way, it can be worked out. In my opinion, you deserve some answers and you owe it to yourself to find out why."

Olivia gave him a questioning look, "Why what?"

"That's for you to find out. You have people here who will help you in any way they can. It's up to you to decide if you want to do this."

As Finn stood up and walked out of her office, Olivia couldn't help but think about her decision. Should she go to him? Should she even bother trying? All that she knew was that this was the first chance she got to be able to talk to Elliot about why he left and maybe, just maybe she would get the answers she needed.

After mulling it over for a few hours, Olivia decided to go ahead and try. She decided that if she can't convince him to come home then she was damn sure she was going to corner him and get some answers to questions she's had on her mind for years.

Olivia texted Kathleen _, What's the address_

Once she got a response, Olivia started planning her trip. She had some vacation time and she was going to take them. This was her chance to get closure…one way or another.


	2. Chapter 2

Closing Time

Chapter 2

After getting her bags packed, renting a room at a local hotel and working the logistics out with Finn, Olivia was ready to get on the road. So much was going through her head but she tried to push back all of her apprehensions as she kissed her son goodbye.

"Noah, I need you to promise me that you are going to be a good boy for Lucy."

Noah sighed and rolled his eyes, "Mom, I promise. How long are you going to be gone?"

Olivia bent down to his level and smiled, "Hopefully only a few days. It's a long drive to Buffalo and I'm not sure how long this will take. I promise to video chat and you can call me whenever you want."

Olivia gave her son a kiss on the cheek and ruffled his hair. She smiled as she watched Noah run back in to the apartment. Every ounce of her felt guilty for leaving him. She wished she could take him with her but she didn't want to make him miss school. It was in the middle of September and he had just started his new class.

"Don't worry. You have me on speed dial and we will call every morning and night."

Lucy was Noah's nanny and she always had a way of reassuring Olivia whenever she had to leave him. Liv trusted her completely.

"Thank you. I hate leaving him this long."

She gave Lucy a hug, put the address Kathleen had given her in to her navigation and began the long drive. The entire drive up to Buffalo was an uneasy one. Olivia couldn't help but feel this undeniable dread in the pit of her stomach. So many doubts and apprehensions were tugging her back to the city but she knew she had to find answers to the many questions that had been plaguing her for so many years.

It took almost 7 hours to get from Manhattan to Buffalo. She was actually surprised that she didn't make any stops along the way. She thought she would make at least 2 but the thoughts roaming around in her head and the anticipation to see Elliot were enough to keep her going.

The closer and closer she got to the cabin, the more and more anxious she became. It was almost 3pm when she arrived. As she pulled up to the driveway, she noticed that a Silver pickup truck was in the driveway. She never knew that Elliot would be a pickup man but then again, a lot has changed with her since she had seen him last. I'm sure a lot has changed with him as well.

She slowly got out of her car and began the walk to his doorway when she stopped dead in her tracks. She saw Elliot walk around the corner of his house holding firewood. As soon as she made eye contact with his, he stopped and gasped.

"Olivia? What…how?"

She was a bit shocked when she saw him. He had grown out his hair a little and had a nice five o'clock shadow. He also had a few more wrinkles then he had when she last saw him and it looked incredibly sexy on him. He had aged well. Olivia got out of her daze and started walked closer to the cabin. "Kathleen came by the precinct. She…was worried about you." Elliot could tell that she was nervous. She always looked at the ground when she was trying to find the right words.

He was still a little shocked to see Olivia standing in front of him to even register the reason. He walked to the front door and reached down to open it. He walked in and gestured for her to come inside. At first, Olivia was a little apprehensive but then she decided to just shake it off and go inside.

After she closed the door, she took in her surroundings. The cabin was bigger then she pictured. It had a high ceiling, a fire place and a wraparound bar in order to separate the dinning room from the kitchen. Although she did see chairs at the bar, Olivia decided to stand close to the front door in case she wasn't welcome.

She saw Elliot place the wood he had in his hands in the fire place and watched him straighten his back. Before he could turn around, Olivia decided to break the silence.

"So…Buffalo huh? Never pegged you for a woodsman."

Elliot placed a hand on the mantel and looked out of the sliding glass door leading to the backyard, never turning to make eye contact.

"Yeah...this was my father's. It's the only thing he really left me that actually meant a damn."

Olivia sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. How was she going to start this long overdue conversation?

"I uh…I'm glad you're okay." Pretty lame but that was all that would come to mind.

Elliot finally decided to face her and shook his head. "Why are you here, liv? Not that I'm not happy to see you but it's been about 8 years?"

Olivia sighed, "Like I stated outside, Kathleen came by the precinct. She said that you left the city and headed up here but that you weren't answering your phone and your texts weren't very expansive."

Elliot sighed, "Yeah…the signal up here kind of sucks. I was planning on getting a better router but just never got around to it."

"Okay.." was all she could think of. Why can't she come up with a little more? She came up here for answers and hopefully closure but nothing was coming out right.

"So, why you?"

Olivia was shaken out of her thoughts when Elliot spoke. "I have no idea. I guess she thought that since you and Kathy got divorced and you and I were 'close' that I could help in some way."

Elliot bobbed his head back and forth in understanding. His daughter did know him pretty well. He walked past Olivia and in to the kitchen. He stopped at the fridge and turned to Olivia, "Want a drink? I have beer, soad, water."

Olivia just nodded, "I don't plan on staying long so I'll just take a water."

Elliot shook his head and handed her a water bottle as he opened his beer. He chugged a few gulps down and placed the beer on the counter. Olivia took a drink of her water and sat down on one of the bar stools as Elliot leaned against the countertop.

"So…what do you want to know?"

Olivia looked at him with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well you obviously came to talk so… lets talk. Ask me anything."

Olivia sighed and just decided to rip the bandage off. "Okay, then we can start with why you left?"

Elliot knew this was going to be hard but he also knew this was something he owed her. "Liv, after I shot that girl…"

Olivia held up her hands to halt him. "Stop right there. I don't want an explanation as to why you left the job. Believe me, that part I completely understand. What I want to know is why you left _me_. How could you have just left? No goodbye, no explination. Nothing. I called and called. Nothing. Why?"

Elliot had expected to see sadness or even a little bit of hurt but he hadn't expected to see her upset. He sighed and decided that he wasn't going to beat around the bush. Not this time.

"I promise to answer all of your questions with honesty but I need you to let me get this out before interrupting me."

She sighed and shook her head. "Okay."

Elliot took another swig of his beer, set it back on the counter and took a deep breath. "When I left Tucker's office the next day, I already knew what I had to do. The job was killing me. It had almost cost me my family, my sanity…I had to decide what to do and I didn't want anyone influencing me in any way. I drove to the peer I used to take the kids to when they were little and I just cried. After a few hours of crying and listening to the waves, I had decided to retire. I knew that Kathy would support me but I was terrified to tell you. I knew that the job meant everything to you and if I were to see you…I knew that it would be that much harder to walk away."

"Elliot, I would have supported you no matter what you decided."

He shook his head and sighed, "That wasn't the problem, Liv. I knew you would support me. _I_ was the problem."

Now Olivia was confused. "What are you talking about? You're not making sense."

Elliot stood up straight and put his hands in his jean pockets. He leaned his back against the counter and glanced at Olivia. "I knew that if I saw or spoken to you that I couldn't leave you and that thought terrified me. You were the job, Liv and I couldn't do it anymore."

Finally, Olivia knew what he was trying to say and it pissed her off. "You mean to tell me that the reason you walked away from me was because I was the job? Elliot, I thought you and I were more then just the job to each other? You were everything to me! I shared things with you that I never have shared with anyone even to this day! I opened my heart and soul to you because I trusted you!" The memory of Brian popped in to her head. _You were never going to open your heart and soul to me._ What Brian didn't understand was that she already had and it only caused her pain in the end.

She was so angry that tears began to form. She thought even a small part of Elliot cared more for her then just being the job but now she was getting the truth. It all made sense now. She stood up and headed for the door when she felt Elliot grab her by the arm to stop her. She shook his hand off of her and turned to him.

"Keep your hands off of me."

Elliot raised his hands in the air and softly spoke, "You've got it all wrong, Liv. Please, let me explain."

Olivia shook her head and folded her arms. "Fine. Go."

Elliot rubbed his hand across his face. He had to find the right words that would explain his decision without scaring the crap out of her.

"You aren't and never were the job to me, Liv. I couldn't confront you because I knew that I would never want to leave you once I saw you and a part of me always knew why. I loved you, Liv. More then I should have and…it terrified me. I knew that if I were to lay eyes on you, I'd fight like hell to stay and I knew that I couldn't do it anymore."

Olivia was shocked. She knew that she and Elliot were close but she had no idea how he actually felt. Now that she got some part of the answer she was looking for, it actually scared her. She always knew how much he had meant to her. Now she finally knew what she meant to him.

"Look, I know that this isn't the answer you were looking for or even the answer to just that question but…"

"Elliot, I didn't really have any answer that I understood. I just…I don't know how to respond to that."

Elliot smiled and gave her a nod of understanding. "Look, I know you've had a long drive and I am sure that you have more questions but I'm starving, you're tired and we have all night. I was planning on making some steak and potatoes. I've got an extra steak marinating. Would you like to sit, eat and talk some more?"

Olivia sighed and nodded yes. She did have more questions and this was the reason she decided to come up here. Well… partly the reason.

"On one condition."

Elliot smiled a little, "Yeah?"

Olivia walked over to the living room and sat down on the long couch, "Call your daughter, Stabler. She's worried about you."

Elliot laughed and walked to his bedroom in order to call Kathleen. When he woke up this morning, he wasn't expecting to be confronted by the woman he had thought about and missed for almost a decade but that's what life was all about. Surprises. Wonderful and amazing surprises.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry about the long delay. Between work and getting a really bad cold, this has been a long 2 weeks. I will do my best at updating more often but adulting has to come first…sadly.

Chapter 3

Olivia was seated on the couch when she heard Elliot's mumbled conversation with his second oldest daughter. She couldn't catch the entire conversation but she understood enough to hear his apology for not calling enough and reassurance that he was okay. Olivia always admired Elliot's love and adoration for his children and she never quit understood it until she adopted Noah. Now that she was a mother, she fully appreciated Elliot's unconditional love for all 5 of his kids.

As she sat on the couch and waited for Elliot's conversation to end, she couldn't help but look around the cabin. It was incredibly Elliot. Not a whole lot of décor but it was filled with all the comforts of home. She noticed a blanket draped over the back of a reclining chair and stood up to grab it. The cabin was a little cold and it looked warm enough. As she wrapped the blanket around her body and sat down, she couldn't help but smell it. The blanket smelled like Elliot and she didn't realize how much she missed the smell of his cologne until that moment. The memories of stake outs, under cover ops and late night paperwork flooded her brain and it brought tears to her eyes. She knew she missed Elliot but it didn't seem to hit her until that smell that was uniquely his washed over her.

She was brought out of her daze when she heard Elliot close his bedroom door behind him. She quickly wiped away her tears and sat up a little more on the couch. As Elliot walked around the couch to face her, he could tell that she had been crying. He knelt down in front of her and placed his hands on her knees.

"Liv, I've never been that great at apologies and I can't even begin to understand what you have gone through these past 8 years but please…know that I am sorry."

Olivia just drew in a deep breath and looked away from him. She couldn't think with him this close and she needed to figure out how their conversation was going to go. Right now, she would just accept his apology and then talk after they had settled and eaten.

"So…you said something about steak?"

Elliot laughed a little because this was classic Olivia. She always changed the subject when the conversation got too heavy.

"Yeah. I just need to set up the grill and get the salad cut. Want to help?"

"Sure. You get the grill and I'll cut the salad."

They both stood up and walked to the kitchen. As Olivia began to cut the vegetables, she couldn't help but day dream for a second about what life would have been like had she just followed her instincts instead of following protocol all those years ago. Nothing went as she planned and maybe that was the point. She never would have been a Lieutenant let alone a mother had Elliot stayed at SVU but him leaving the job was never the issue. Leaving her was and that's the answer she needed.

After all the vegetables were cut and in the salad bowl, she walked over to the sliding glass door that lead out to the backyard. She stopped and leaned against the opened door frame and just watched Elliot. She watched the way he moved, the way he walked, the way he focused on the task at hand and wished she could read his mind. As he placed the steak on a pan, he turned and noticed Olivia watching him. A smile stretched across his face.

"Medium rare right?"

"Perfect."

They sat at the table and ate in silence but glances were noticed by both. Olivia had so much to say and talk about but she wanted it to be in a comfortable space. While they were eating was not the time.

Olivia decided to break the silence when she noticed that they both were done eating. "I'll get the dishes."

"No. It's my place. I got them. Just relax and finish off that glass of wine."

Olivia just nodded, took her glass of wine and sat down on the couch waiting for him to join her in the living room. She wrapped herself in the blanket she had earlier and just relaxed on the couch. It didn't take him long to join her and she noticed that he had a bottle of beer in his hand. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, he sat on the recliner across from where she sat.

"So…where do we begin."

Olivia breathed in deep and said, "From the beginning, I guess. What have you been up to?"

Elliot was glad it wasn't starting with the heavy. He wanted to ease in to the real reason he walked away from not only the job but her. He gave her a small portion of the justification but there was more to it than what he initially stated.

"After leaving SVU, I decided to just take some time off. Spend it with Eli. Lizzy was away at college and Richard joined the Air Force so it was just Kathy, Eli and me for a few months but Kathy could tell that being home all the time was driving me crazy, so I decided to use my degree and started teaching Criminal Justice at NYU. It was good for a while but…something was missing. Nothing felt…right or really fit. Kathy and I were arguing all the time and we couldn't keep fighting around Eli, so we mutually agreed to call a quits. I moved out to Brooklyn because it was the only place I could find that I could afford. We share custody of Eli. I was going about my life like a damn robot. I was single again for the first time in almost 30 years and for the first time…I was completely and totally lost. When I found out Kathy was seeing someone, it was a slap in the face."

Olivia felt a pain in her gut, "Why? You had to have known she'd move on, El."

"It wasn't that."

"Then what was it?"

Elliot sighed and shook his head. "Because she had it all figured out and I was still living my life on a ledge. I needed to get my head together. That's why I came out here."

Olivia completely understood what he was saying, and it made sense. What she didn't understand was still not spoken about.

"Okay…I get that."

She was still trying to figure out how she was going to word what she really wanted addressed when Elliot beat her to it.

"Liv…I never wanted to be apart from you, at least not this long. I'm no stranger to making idiotic decisions. It was never my intention to stay away indefinitely but as time passed, it became more and more difficult to make that connection again."

Olivia could feel tears forming when she whispered, "But it was so easy for you to leave."

Elliot stood up, placed his beer on the coffee table, knelt down in front of her and placed both hands on her knees. "Leaving you was the hardest thing I've had to do in years but at the time I felt like it was the only way for me to completely move on. I know now that it was an idiotic decision but please know that I never want to nor meant to intentionally hurt you."

Olivia shook her head and just looked down at his hands on her knees. "Do you have any idea what I went through after you left? Before I was blessed with Noah, my life was in shambles."

Elliot sat next to her on the couch and hung his head. "I know."

She finally looked up at him then. "What do you mean you know?"

Elliot looked at her then, "Because my life was to, Liv. You know the saying 'You never know what you've got until it's gone?' You were the part that was missing for me. That's why I could never figure out where I stood in any aspect of my life. I never knew how much you meant to me until I lost you."

Olivia shook her head and stood up to get some distance. "That's why I'm so pissed, Elliot. You never lost me! You chose to leave me! I'm the one that was forced to live a life without you because of something you decided! I had no say in any of this!"

He stood up and faced her then, "I know."

She looked away from him and wrapped her arms around her body. She started shivering and Elliot noticed that the cabin was getting pretty cold. He breathed in deep and walked over to the fireplace in order to start a fire. Once the flames were to his satisfaction, He turned to see that Olivia had walked out on to the porch in order to get some air, cold be damned.

Elliot had an overwhelming desire to hold her from behind and kiss her. He stood up, walked over to her standing frame and wrapped his arms around her. He noticed Olivia stiffen up a bit but that didn't stop him from embracing her. After a few minutes he felt her relax in his arms and then he was able to finally relax. He went years with having to hold in his feelings and reactions. He'd be damned if he is going to do it now.

Elliot pressed his mouth close to her ear and whispered, "No words can express how sorry I am for leaving and as much as I would like to, I can't change the past but please know that I am so glad you are here now."

He felt her shiver and at first he thought it was because of the cold. He then realized it was due to the embrace they shared and the way he held her but she wasn't releasing his embrace and as long as she would let him, Elliot wasn't letting go.

After a few minutes, Elliot broke the silence, "So…how long do I have you for?"

Olivia couldn't help but smile. "Just a few days. I need to get back to work and get back home to Noah. I already miss him so much."

Elliot nodded, "Then let's make the best of it."

Olivia didn't know what he meant but she was excited and nervous to find out what that entailed. For now, she was enjoying being in his arms and just listening to the wind in the trees.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Olivia had been awake for a few hours now. She just enjoyed the quiet of the woods. It was different from the sounds of the city. She felt the warmth of the sun that was streaming through her window on her face and it felt amazing. All she wanted to do was stay there all day but reality was always harder. As she stood up, she could smell coffee being brewed and a smile spread across her face. She knew it meant Elliot was awake and she had this overwhelming feeling of butterflies in her stomach and in a way it scared her.

She got dressed and brushed her hair in order to look half way decent. As she walked in to the kitchen, she could hear Frank Sinatra on the radio and she laughed inwardly. Seriously? She'd never guess Elliot would be a Frank Sinatra fan. She got to the kitchen doorway when she stopped, leaned against the doorframe and smiled. Elliot was making eggs, sausage and toast as he swayed and sang to the music. She couldn't help but shake her head and laugh. This was a side of Elliot she had never seen and she loved every minute of it.

Elliot turned around and saw Olivia watching him. He stopped and smiled as he continued to sing to "Get Happy."

" _The sun is shining, come on get happy, the Lord is waiting to take your hand, shout halleluiah come on get happy, we're going to the promise land…"_

"Seriously Elliot?"

He stopped and looked at Olivia with a big smile on his face. "What? You don't like Frank?"

She shook her head and laughed, "I love Frank. Just didn't know you did."

He shimmied over to her and continued to sing, "Dance with me."

She shook her head, "Oh no…that's on thing this woman doesn't do."

"Come on, Liv. Humor me."

He took her hand and swung her around the kitchen while they danced to the music. Olivia was laughing and shaking her head the entire time. She had absolutely no rhythm but how could she say no. She was a little apprehensive and a bit cautious. This was a new Elliot that she had never met. She made a mental note to try and get familiar with this side of him because she loved it.

Once the music stopped, Elliot spun her around and looked into her eyes. Once the next song came up, Elliot stopped and turned towards the stove. "Shit! The sausage…"

Olivia laughed and reached for the coffee cup in the cupboard. She poured her coffee while Elliot tried to salvage the links. She put the coffee to her lips and blew on the liquid as she leaned against the counter, loving how normal and relaxed this felt.

"So…what are the plans for today?"

Elliot turned the stove off and started dishing out the food he just cooked. "Ah…I was actually hoping you would come to a party with me. My friend Jack's daughter is getting married and I was invited to the reception."

"Just the reception?" Wait…was he asking her out on a date?

"Yeah, she is just having family go to the small ceremony but it's going to be like a backyard party for friends and family."

"Okay…but Elliot. I didn't bring anything for a wedding." She wasn't planning on staying here with him. She even had to call and cancel her hotel reservations.

Elliot walked over to where she leaning against the counter and poured himself another cup of coffee. "It's nothing fancy, Liv. I'm wearing jeans and a nice shirt. It's just going to be drinking, food and friends. Nothing to dress up for."

She shook her head and replied, "Sure. What time do we need to be there?"

"Around 3 so in the meantime, let's eat breakfast, watch some TV and relax. Just enjoy the time off."

She agreed and as they ate breakfast, she couldn't help but fantasize about life with Elliot. Would it always be this relaxed? No. She knew that. She wasn't delusional but in the mean time she was going to enjoy every minute of this bliss. They sat side by side on the couch as Casablanca played on the tv. She curled up next to him with his blanket over her lap, a cup of coffee in her hands and his arms draped over her legs. She loved this. The feeling of normalcy and yet…not normal. It wasn't normal for them to be this relaxed and close but somehow...it felt like them.

As the movie played on, she couldn't help but noticed stolen glances he was giving her and how his hands were gently messaging her legs. It was comforting, warming and a bit…sensual. She was shivering from his touch and it felt good. Too good. His glances were getting more frequent and longer and it made her body warm. He wanted to get closer to her.

"Hey, Liv…"

And then the interruption happened. She heard her phone ringing and knew who it was. She was expecting a phone call from her nanny, Lucy. Olivia reached over to the side table next to her and answered.

"Hey, Lucy. How's Noah?"

Elliot could faintly hear the conversation on the other end but everything seemed to be okay. He was a bit disappointed in the interruption but loved hearing her talk to her son. He always knew that she'd be an amazing mother and he was incredibly glad that she was able to experience motherhood. Granted the circumstances weren't what he thought but he was happy for her non-the-less. As she hung up the phone, he saw a big smile cross her face.

"So, how is the little guy?"

She smiled, "He's good."

After a moment of silence, Olivia looked at Elliot, "So…you wanted to tell me something?"

Elliot looked at her with confusion, "Sorry?"

"Before Noah called, you were going to ask me something or tell me something?"

He looked at her and shook his head. "Just going to ask you if you wanted another cup of coffee."

Not really. He wasn't going to ask her anything. What he wanted to do wasn't something he could do now. The moment seemed to pass and it didn't seem appropriate now though he was sure he would get the chance at another time. He would make sure of it.

As the day went on, they passed the time with stories of the squad, their kids and even attempts at relationships. Olivia wasn't really surprised that Elliot dated after Kathy. He wasn't a monk but it did surprise her that he wasn't holding anything back. It was almost refreshing to hear him talk about his personal life with such ease.

The only time they stopped was when the time got closer to getting ready for the party. Olivia stood in her room and sifted through her outfits. She didn't really bring anything fancy but she did have her jeans and a nice shirt so she went with it. Making sure her hair was at least nice and her makeup was good was the only hope she had at looking presentable enough for a weddng.

As Elliot waited for Olivia in the living room, he couldn't help but think about the possibilities. Thoughts of Olivia and him on a dates and holding hands were clouding his mind when the woman he was thinking about walked in to the living room. He stopped and stared.

"This was the best I could do at short notice."

He smiled and shook his head. She had on light colored pair of jeans that hugged her curves in all the right spots and a v neck, long sleeve shirt that was the color of crimson red. It hung loose on her and accentuated her breasts. How could she not know how beautiful she is? "You look absolutely beautiful, Liv."

She blushed a little and smiled. "Keep it up, Stabler. Flattery will get you everywhere."

His eyebrows danced and he laughed, "That's what I'm hoping for."

They both laughed and he walked her out to the car with his hand on the small of her back. As he walked around the car after she got in, he could feel his body reacting to the woman of his dreams and he shook his head while mumbling, "Jesus, I'm screwed." He knew this was going to be a long night…


	5. Chapter 5

**I am so sorry for the long break. Between work and the holidays coming up, life has been crazy. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please leave any comments, negative or positive, down below.**

The drive to the party was fairly peaceful and short. Olivia did notice that Elliot was stealing glances here and there and she loved every minute of it. She never imagined her trip was going to go in the direction it has. She fully expected to come up here, she and Elliot would fight, she'd convince him to come back home and then she would go on with her life as she had when he left her. She still hadn't decided what she was going to do when she got back home but she did feel a shift. A glorious change that she was going to enjoy for as long as she could.

Once they got to the party, Elliot pulled in to the driveway and couldn't help but smile. When he talked to his friend on the phone, Elliot asked him how he was going to find out where to park. When his friend told him that he couldn't miss it, he wasn't wrong. There were balloons in every tree, streamers in every branch and flowers everywhere. As he walked around to open the door for Olivia, he took note of how happy he was. He hadn't been this happy in years.

When he reached her door, he noticed that she was already out of the car and getting her purse. He stood there with his hands in his pockets, shook his head and laughed softly.

Olivia heard him laughing and turned to him. "What's so funny?"

Elliot just smiled, "I just forgot how independent you are."

"Because I opened my own door?"

Elliot just smiled, walked over to her and held out his hand. She smiled and took it. As they walked up to the house, the butterflies were very present only this time, they were in overdrive. How could a 51-year-old woman feel like a teenager again? Just get Elliot Stabler to smile at you. That was enough.

The reception was in the backyard of Elliot's friend's house and Olivia was in awe. She, for some reason, pictured a small area with bar-b-que and beer. This was anything but. The house was 3 stories, had a fenced in yard that was the size of a damn football field and contained all the luxuries that a mansion in Manhattan would have. When they walked through the house to reach the back yard, Olivia couldn't help but be speechless. There were candles everywhere, beautiful white and purple flowers, a DJ, an open bar and what looked like over a hundred people drinking, smiling, dancing and just having a good time.

She was brought out of her admiration of the ambiance when Elliot said her name. She looked at the man in front of them.

"Jack Thompson, I'd like you to meet Olivia Benson. Olivia, this is Jack, one of my oldest friends."

Jack smiled and took Olivia's hand. He slowly brought Olivia's hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. "So, this is the famous Olivia Benson. It's nice to finally meet you. Elliot never shuts up about you."

Olivia smiled and had a look of confusion on her face. "I'm famous huh?"

"It feels that way sometimes. This man seriously admires and adores you."

Olivia just smiled and took her hand back. She didn't know how to feel about that statement. Even though she was able to forgive Elliot for leaving her without a word, she still didn't understand how he could talk about her to someone she had never meet but he couldn't bother to pick up a phone.

"Well…I see a bar over there so why don't you two get reacquainted while I get a drink."

Elliot wanted to follow her but knew he should probably give Olivia her space. He may have been away for a while but he knew every bit about this woman and he could tell that what Jack had said to her bothered her for some reason and Elliot suspected he knew the answer.

He hadn't realized how long she had been gone until he noticed the sun was starting to set. He excused himself from the group conversation that he was immersed in and walked around to find out where Olivia had gone. He stopped and smiled when he noticed that she was sitting on a swing with a beer in her hand. He slowly walked up behind her and placed his hand on her shoulders.

"Hey, I was beginning to think you had left me."

"Nope. Just admiring the view and needed a minute."

Elliot walked in front of her and bent down, placing his hands on both of her knees. He looked in to her eyes and couldn't help but admire her soft features and how relaxed she was. "Come and dance with me?"

Olivia laughed, "I thought we established this morning that I can't dance."

He smiled, stood up and held out his hand. "Humor me."

Even though Olivia still had that conversation from earlier in her head, she pushed it away and stood up, taking Elliot's hand. She could hear a slow song coming up and it was Ariana Grande's new song "Imagine."

Elliot held Olivia close to his body and slowly swayed her back and forth. He couldn't take his eyes off of her and Olivia felt hypnotized. She rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waste as she held him closer to her, if that were even possible. Elliot kissed the top of her head and he swayed them both. The lyrics to the song were so in sync with how Olivia felt.

 _Kiss me and take off your clothes. Imagine a world like that…Imagine a world like that. We go like up till I'm asleep on your chest. Love how my face fits so good on your neck…Why can't you? Imagine a world like that…_

Olivia always imagined what it would be like to be with Elliot. Not just physically but emotionally and she always wondered whether Elliot thought about it. They had been through so much and when she lost him, she tried to push all of those feelings of lose deep down. But now that she is in his arms, swaying to the music, she couldn't help but shed a few tears. If he left her again, she didn't think she would ever recover.

Elliot could hear her sniffling and knew she was crying. He wanted to ask her why but he kind of already knew the answer. Instead, he decided to hold her even closer and rest his chin on the top of her head. It felt like the song lasted forever but once it ended, he didn't want to let her go. Instead, he slowly backed away, rubbed her upper arms, wrapped his arm over her shoulders and escorted her off the dance floor. He walked her over to the house and stopped at the dining room.

He saw her wiping her tears and softly asked, "Do you want to leave?"

Olivia just looked down and shook her head. "No. I'm fine. I don't want to ruin this night for you."

Elliot lifted her head so she could look him in the eyes. "You could never ruin this for me, Liv. I just want to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine, El. It's just… the setting and the song brought up some feelings that I pushed away and it just brought it back up the surface. I'm fine, really."

It wasn't until this moment that he truly realized how badly him leaving affected her. He felt a pain in his chest that he had never felt before. He reached out and touched her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I know that I've already said it but…you will never know how sorry I am for leaving."

Olivia didn't know what to say. She knew he was sorry but for some reason him leaving still felt raw and she was terrified that she was going to lose him again. Another tear fell from her eyes and she felt Elliot's hand gently wipe it away. She then felt his hand under chin and slowly pull her face to his. That's when she felt it. Elliot Stabler's lips pressed softly against hers.

The kiss was so gentle and sweet. Elliot's lips were softer then she thought they would be. She felt him suck in her bottom lip in and she couldn't help the moan that escaped her lips. The moan opened her mouth more and it allowed Elliot to slip his tongue in between her lips. As their tongues softly teased each other, Elliot pushed her body closer to his. He was enjoying every sensation this kiss gave him and even though every ounce of him wanted to push her up against a wall and intensify this, he needed their first kiss to be soft, gentle and memorable. He wanted her to know how much he loved her without scaring her. He just continued his slow menstruation on her mouth all the while rubbing her back with one hand while the other was tangling in her hair, holding her head in place.

The kiss seemed to go on forever until they were interrupted by a guest. "Oh, I am so sorry. I was just looking for the bathroom."

Elliot just laughed and couldn't help but smile. "It's down the hall, first door on the left."

She thanked him and walked past them. Olivia just buried her face in his neck and laughed. "Well that was…"

Elliot sighed with contentment. "Yeah…I know. I've wanted to do that for a long time."

Olivia looked into his eyes and wanted to say some witty come back but decided against it. "Yeah me to."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Why don't we get another drink?"

She just nodded and let him lead her out of the house and back to the bar where they ordered more drinks. Before this day started, Olivia wasn't expecting much. As she held this man's hand, she couldn't help but be excited and terrified at the same time. She only hoped he knew how much of her heart he had in his hands. Elliot Stabler had the power to make or break her and that thought scared the hell out of her.


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter is incredibly long but I wanted it to be perfect. I hope you like it and please leave a comment down below. Enjoy!**

After a few hours of drinking, dancing and stealing longing glances at each other, Elliot had said his goodbyes to as many people as he could while Olivia slowly made her way to the car. She couldn't wipe the smile from her face. Deep down, Olivia knew that she and Elliot were never going to be able to completely let each other go, even though over the last 8 years she almost lost hope. She couldn't get that kiss out of her mind, especially the way it made her feel. She never really thought weak in the knees was something that existed except in moves. Boy was she wrong.

Elliot began to make his way to the car and couldn't help but admire the woman before him. Not only was she beautiful but she was so much more and he couldn't wait to explore every part of her and not just physically. He wanted to feel her next to him every second of every day. Even though he had been married to Kathy for over 20 years, he had never felt like this before.

Once he reached the driver side door, he shook his head trying to calm himself down knowing he would have to concentrate on the road.

On the way back to the cabin, Elliot had to break the silence. "So, did you have fun?"

Olivia smiled, "Yeah. You have quit a few characters I never knew about."

Elliot laughed, "Yeah, they mean well but a lot of those guys are very…old school, back woods, country boys."

Olivia laughed and shook her head. There was so much more about Elliot that she had no idea about. She thought she knew this man so well. Little did she know, there was more to explore and the thought of it excited her.

The rest of the drive was torture for both of them. After that intense kiss, all Elliot wanted to do was drag her somewhere private and explore more of her and Olivia felt the same way. Not touching each other after that kiss was excruciating.

The drive felt like it was taking forever but once they pulled up, both Elliot and Olivia exhaled and began walking to the front door. Once inside, all of Elliot's self-control was gone. He spun Olivia around, wrapped his arms around her waist, pressed her body as close as possible to him and began his assault on her mouth. Olivia couldn't help but moan as soon as she felt his soft lips on hers. Even though she knew they needed to talk some more, all she wanted to do was explore every inch of this beautiful man in front of her.

Olivia felt Elliot slowly back her up down the hallway, all the while kissing her and never letting her go. As soon as they passed the threshold of Elliot's room, he stopped, tilted Olivia's head up and rubbed her cheek. As soon as Olivia opened her eyes, she looked at Elliot's face to see why he had stopped his menstruation on her mouth.

Elliot pressed his forehead to Olivia's and took a deep breath. "I need to know, Liv. I need you to tell me that you want this as much as I do."

Olivia didn't have to vocalize her feelings. Instead, she slowly began to unbutton Elliot's shirt all the while kissing her way down his chest with soft, lustful strokes of her tongue. All Elliot could do was tilt his head back and slow his breathing. Every ounce of him want to throw this beautiful woman on the bed and make love to her like he had never made love before, but he wanted this to last. He has had so many dreams about this and nothing compared to the real thing.

As Olivia began her descent down his chest, she lifted her head up and slowly pushed Elliot's shirt off his shoulders until the shirt fell to the floor. She then rubbed her hands all over his chest until they slowly made their way down to his pants belt. Once Elliot felt what she was trying to do, he stopped her.

"If we go there now, this is going to be over before it starts." Olivia couldn't help but giggle. She felt Elliot's hands go from her waist to the inside of her blouse and the giggling stopped. She dropped her hands from Elliot's chest and smiled when she heard him mumble, "My turn."

Olivia tiled her head back as she felt Elliot's lips on her neck in order to give him better access. She couldn't believe this was happening and it wasn't a dream. She then felt Elliot stop as he lifted her blouse over her head. Once her shirt was off, Elliot stood back and couldn't help but admire this amazing woman. The only thing that surprised him were the burn scares across her chest. Once Olivia noticed that Elliot was looking at her scares, she tried to cover them up with her hands.

"Don't cover up, Liv. I know there is a story there but I'm not going to push it. Besides, with or without them, you're breathtaking."

Olivia put her hands down and allowed Elliot to continue his adoration of her body. For a woman in her 50's, Olivia was incredibly beautiful inside and out and Elliot was going to explore all of it.

Once he got her to relax a little more, Elliot began to slowly kiss her all the while tangling his tongue with hers. He began to rub her shoulders and back as he made his way to his intended destination, her bra. As he slowly unclasped it, he could hear Olivia's breathing hitch. He slowly pushed the straps down her shoulders and looked into her eyes as her bra fell to the floor. His eyes slowly made their way down to her breasts and he couldn't help but breath in deep.

Elliot began kissing his way down Olivia's chest as she tilted her head back in ecstasy. The moment she felt Elliot's mouth on her right breast, she couldn't hold back the moan that escaped from deep within her. Having Elliot's mouth on her was intoxicating and she was going to enjoy every moment of it.

Elliot loved the way her chest rose and fell as he licked each one of her nipples. Her breasts fit so well in his hands as if they were meant for him all along. He loved the way Olivia was reacting to him so much so that continuing to wear his jeans were getting really uncomfortable. But he was hell bent and determined to make this last. He popped Olivia's nipple out of his mouth and slowly slid his tongue down her soft body until he reached her button on her jeans. Once he unclasped them, he slowly slid the zipper down and teasingly slid the jeans down her long legs. Olivia gasped as she felt Elliot touch the inside of her exposed thighs with his mouth and tongue. She felt him softly bite her soft flesh and it almost undid her. She could cum just from this. Only Elliot Stabler could undo her with only his touches and lips.

Olivia wanted Elliot's pants off now, but she was going to let Elliot take the lead on this because if she took over, it was going to end way too fast. She couldn't help but moan when she felt Elliot slowly lower her panties down to the ground. Now that she was completely naked, Elliot stood up, put one hand on her waist while the other went to the back of her head as he drove his tongue in her mouth. Olivia got lost in the kiss only to feel her knees hit the edge of the bed. Elliot slowly lowered her body on to the soft mattress and broke the kiss.

Seeing Olivia laying down on his bed completely naked for him was an unbelievable turn on. He couldn't keep his hands and his mouth to himself. He began to slowly kiss and nibble his way down her chest, nibbling each of her nipples, down her stomach, only to stop once he reached her nether region. He slowly slid both of his hands down her thighs only to reach under her calves and spread her legs open for him. He bent down to the ground, placed her left leg over his shoulder and began to slowly lick her slit up and down.

Once Olivia felt his tongue on her pussy, she thought she would come undone. She tilted her head back while her right hand squeezed her right breast and her left hand went to his head. She had never made love to anyone but now she knew what making love felt like. It was pure bliss.

Elliot, began to suck and lick on her clit while he slowly pushed a finger into her vagina. He knew he was driving her closer to the edge when he felt her moan a little louder and push his head harder in to her body. He then added a second finger when he felt Olivia's muscles start to contract around his fingers.

Olivia could feel her body reach closer to her orgasm when she began to shake. She took her hands off of Elliot's head and her breast as she grabbed the sheets on either side of her and bent her head back. "Oh God! Elliot…Yes!"

He slowed removed his fingers all the while continuing to lick up as much of her juices as possible. After he felt her body relax, he stopped his menstruation and slowly kissed his way back up her body until he reached her lips. Olivia loved the feel of him between her legs and even more so loved his mouth on her body.

As they continued to kiss, Elliot could feel Olivia's hands on his chest slowly pushing him on his back. Once he was completely laying down, Olivia broke the kiss and slowly began to lick and kiss down Elliot's chest. All Elliot could think of was how amazing this woman felt and how much he knew this was not going to be a one-time thing. He would be damned if this wouldn't happen again and again.

He gasped when he felt Olivia rub his bulge through his pants. He held his breath when he felt Olivia unfasten his belt, unclasp and unzip his pants. Olivia tried to slide his jeans off but couldn't without Elliot's help. He got the hint and lifted his butt up so she could continue. As soon as his pants hit the floor, Elliot felt Olivia's hands on his briefs. He felt air hit his penis and he couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips.

Olivia couldn't help but admire this man's physic. He was firm and muscular but yet soft at the same time. She was mesmerized by him. She couldn't resist the urge to touch him and didn't waste any time doing so. She softly touched the tip of Elliot's penis and loved the feeling of precum already seeping out of him. She used it as a lubricant while slowly going up and down the long length of him. She knew Elliot had to be well endowed in order to match that bravado of his but she never imagined he was this well-endowed.

She couldn't help but smile when she heard his breath hitch and saw his butt muscles clench as she squeezed and pulled on him. She was about to taste him when she felt him halt her actions and roll her on her back. Once he was between her legs, he began to assault her mouth all the while spreading her legs apart and getting comfortable in between her. He lifted Olivia's thighs and had them resting on his hips. He suddenly stopped and placed his forehead on hers.

"We don't have to do this, Liv. Just tell me to stop."

"Elliot, I don't know how much more clearly I could have answered you already. Now shut up and make love to me."

He couldn't help but smile. Elliot then did as was told when he slowly pushed himself deep inside of her, allowing her to adjust to the intrusion. Olivia tilted her head back, opened her mouth and moaned so loud he thought he had already sent her over the edge. Elliot then slowly started to move in and out of her, loving the feel of her squeezing and contracting around his engorged penis.

"Jesus…" was all he could get out. She felt so good that he knew if he sped up, this was going to be over way too soon. As he slowly made love to her, he spread her legs open even wider for him. He wanted to get as deep inside of her as he possibly could. This was nothing short of pure ecstasy.

Olivia had never really made love to anyone. She all but accepted that she probably never would but this was everything she had ever wanted. She could feel every inch of him and she wanted more.

Elliot could hear her moaning getting louder and he all but collapsed when he heard her ask him to go faster. Here was the woman of his dreams asking him to speed up and who was he to deny her. As he began to speed up, he also added a little more pressure to his pumping. She couldn't believe how amazing this felt. As he began to go faster and harder, she had to protect her head from hitting the head board but even if she didn't, the pain would be well worth it.

Elliot could feel that she was close when he felt her muscles contract and tighten on his engorged member. It almost sent him over the edge, but he wanted to feel her orgasm. He wanted to look in to her eyes as she reached ecstasy, so he decided to thumb her clit as he picked up the pace and once Olivia felt Elliot's thumb on her clit, she didn't last long. "Oh shit! Elliot…I'm cuming!"

He smiled and softly whispered, "Cum for me, baby. I want to feel you."

Olivia tilted her head back and loudly whimpered as she rode out her orgasm. Elliot slowed his pumping but continued to ride her. He could feel her muscles tighten around him even more and because of it, he felt the tightening in his balls. He knew he wasn't going to last.

"Olivia, where…" was all he could get out and she knew what he meant.

"In me. I want to feel you." And that was all it took. He spilled his seed deep inside of her. He placed his forehead on hers and moaned as he rode out his orgasm. Nothing felt more amazing then this woman wrapped around him. Once he was done, he slowly pulled out of her and Olivia winced. She felt the loss of him and it almost made her cry.

Neither said anything after. Elliot simply wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her body close to his and softly kissed her lips. Once he broke the kiss, he wrapped their bodies with the blanket that was pushed to the side. Olivia rested her head on his chest and couldn't help but smile when she thought about the song they had first danced to. Elliot could hear Olivia's breathing become steady and he knew she was asleep. He wanted to this night to be perfect and he was satisfied that it had been. He slowly began to close his eyes and couldn't help but dream of the beautiful woman in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

Olivia woke up to the feel of a nice breeze on her bare back with nothing but cotton sheets covering her lower half. She could feel the warmth of the morning sun on her and couldn't believe how well she slept. It had been a long time since she got a great night sleep and after last night, she completely understood why. With a big smile on her face, she rolled over to see Elliot only to find his side of the bed empty. She sat up and covered herself with the sheets only to smell bacon and coffee. She stood up, grabbed one of Elliot's buttoned up shirts and walked in to the kitchen with a big smile on her face.

There he was cooking breakfast and listening to more music. At least he wasn't dancing this time. She slowly walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Elliot stopped what he was doing, put the spatula down and turned around so he could look at her. He smiled, gave her a soft but longing kiss and brushed her hair back.

Elliot looked at her longingly and asked, "Did you sleep okay?"

"I did actually. I haven't slept that long in a really long time but why didn't you wake me?"

He wrapped his arms more tightly around her and smiled, "I wanted you to rest. Besides, I have a lot of chores today and I wanted to at least start the day with a good breakfast."

Olivia smiled and pulled away in order to grab a coffee cup. "Well it smells amazing."

As she poured herself a cup of coffee, Elliot noticed what she was covered up in and laughed, "Are you wearing my shirt?"

She smiled and took a sip of her coffee. "It was the first thing I found. I wasn't going to walk around your place naked and I didn't see my clothes."

He turned back around to take care of the bacon. "Yeah, sorry about that. I started a load and I just threw yours in with mine. As far as walking around the place naked, I am more then happy with that."

She laughed and shook her head. "I'm sure you are. What chores do you have planned?"

He started setting up the plates together with the scrambled eggs, toast and bacon he cooked while trying to think of the right words. "I actually wanted to take a couple of blankets down to the lake, have a picnic and maybe talk."

"That sounds great but I hardly think a picnic and a chit chat are chores, El. What's really going on?"

As he and Olivia sat at the table, He really didn't want to upset her this early but after last night, they needed to talk. He knew that if they were ever going to move forward, they needed to look back and connect all the blanks that existed in their lives. 8 years was a long time and although she did know a lot about what had been going on with him, he felt as though she was leaving a lot out of her life. The scars he saw last night was an eye opener for him and ever since he saw them, he couldn't get it out of his head.

"I just really want to know more about what's been going on in your life since I left and after the amazing night we had, I stayed up half the night thinking about…everything I've missed."

Olivia looked at her plate and nodded, "Okay but what spurred this on?"

He stared at her with nothing but love in his eyes and spoke in a soft and gentle manor so he didn't hurt her. "You don't have to tell me about the scars, Liv but I feel like I need to know."

She stopped eating and looked him in the eye, "Why is that so important to know? It happened and it's over. I really don't want to discuss it any further."

He stood up and carried his coffee cup and empty plate to the kitchen, placed them in the sink and turned around to look in her direction where she sat at the table. "Communication was always a hit and miss with us, Liv, hell with me. I'm trying to change that. I was always shitty when it came to talking about…well anything in my life and I know that you might be scared but if we are going to go anywhere in this relationship, I need to…no…rephrase that, I want to know everything. I don't want to hear something from someone else and feel…left out or feel like an idiot because I should have known. I want to make up for lost time and I'm going to do everything I can to make this, make us work. A big part of that is communication."

Olivia took a deep breath, stood up with her coffee in her hand. She walked over to where he stood in the kitchen, set her coffee down on the counter but she couldn't look him in the eye. "Elliot…I'm not afraid to tell you what I've been through or what I've been doing. I'm afraid that once you hear it, you won't…want to stay with me. I've been through a lot these past 8 years and some are good, some are amazing but…there have also been some really bad stuff." She was finally able to look him in the eye and placed her right hand on his cheek. "I need you to promise me that you'll process everything I'm telling you and not get mad, not get upset or blame anything on anyone. It happened, it's over and I've moved on. That's the only way I'm going to agree to this conversation."

He nodded and agreed to simply listen. He was going to try his best not to react but just her reaction to wanting to talk could mean that he was going to have to really control his emotions.

The morning went by smoothly. Elliot cleaned the kitchen and finished the laundry while Olivia took a shower, got dressed and tried to video chat with Noah but the reception was bad. She just decided to walk out back and call him.

"Hey baby. Sorry but the reception out here is really bad. How has school been?"

"It's been okay. When are you coming home, mommy?"

She couldn't help but feel a twinge of pain in her heart. She had expected to be home by know but with everything going on, time had passed a lot faster than expected and she still felt like she and Elliot had more to figure out.

"I don't know, baby. I'm going to try and get back by Friday." That would give her a few more days with Elliot and time to figure out what all of this was and possibly where this might be going.

That answer seemed to satisfy Noah and with a kissing sound and a few 'I love you's, she hung up and walked back inside. She noticed that Elliot was in the kitchen, getting their lunch ready.

"So how is Noah?"

"He's good. He just misses me and wants me to come home."

Elliot nodded and softly whispered, "So how long do we have?"

Olivia walked up behind him and placed her arms around his waist. "Until Friday. That way I have the weekend with Noah before going back to work. I talked to Fin and everything seems to be going good at work, so it gave me extra time. I wasn't planning on being here this long."

Elliot just nodded and kissed the top of her head. After making up their picnic lunch, the two walked hand in hand to the edge of the lake. Luckily it was a bit warmer today so beers were a must. After eating his sandwich and taking a few swigs of his beer, he looked at Olivia and smiled.

Olivia knew that she should probably speak but didn't know where to start. "So…what do you want to know?"

Elliot sighed and simply said, "I guess wherever you are comfortable with. Did you ever find someone?"

Olivia smiled and shook her head, "A few someones actually but they didn't last. Pretty typical of my relationships. I did try and make it work with Brian again but…that didn't go anywhere."

Elliot looked surprised. "Brian, huh? Why didn't it work?"

"Brian and I were always in a different place. I wanted a family and he…didn't." She wanted to tell Elliot about Tucker but wasn't sure he would understand that one. She honestly didn't fully understand it herself.

"How did you come to adopt Noah?"

Olivia told him all about the case she was working, how she found him as a baby and all the in between difficulties, challenges and every happy events. Noah seemed to be the center of their conversation and Olivia could tell that Elliot was holding back from what he really wanted to discuss.

"Elliot, I know you better than you think I do so why don't you just ask me what you want to know?"

Elliot stood up and stretched. He held out his hand to her, stood her up and pulled her in for a quick kiss. "Let's go for a walk."

She didn't argue but hated this stall tactic. They were about half way around the lake when Elliot blurted out, "How did you get those cigarette burns, Liv."

She didn't even question his ability to know they were cigarette burns. Instead, she shook her head and stopped them.

"Elliot, that's the conversation that I don't want to talk about. It's not important."

Elliot dropped her hand and looked her in the eyes, "It is important because it happened to you and you are important to me."

"Since when? Since we had sex?"

Her words were like a slap in the face. He wanted to be mad but he knew why she was getting defensive. "Stop trying to change the subject and stop pushing me away. I'm not going anywhere this time and you can use all the ammo you need to use if it helps. Just talk to me."

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around her body. "I don't want to relive this, Elliot. I've moved on and I want to keep moving forward. Why do we have to talk about this?"

"Because I want to know you again, Liv. I've missed so much and I know that it was my choice to walk away but I'm trying to be here. In order for us to move forward, we both need to open up about our past."

She knew he was right but a part of her wanted him to drop it. He pulled her toward him and embraced her until she was ready to talk. She began with the case she was involved in with Lewis, how he kidnapped her, everything he did to others and to her and what she did to him all the while Elliot stayed completely quiet. He wanted to be an outlet for her, someone she could trust and turn to again and he knew that if he reacted like he wanted to react, she'd never speak to him about anything else. She explained to him that Lewis was dead and how she wanted Elliot to be there but she knew that she could be strong and take care of it herself.

As Elliot listened to her talk, all he could think about was how badly he felt for leaving her. How selfish he was and how much he wished he could erase her pain. Olivia stopped talking when she saw tears running down his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry for everything, Liv. I should have been there."

She started to feel anger boiling up inside of her as she pushed away from him. "Elliot, none of that was your fault and you promised that you wouldn't do this. I can't continue this conversation if you can't distance yourself from the equation. We've already established that what happened is in the past. Please…stop."

He shook his head and whipped his tears away. Softly whispered that he would be good, took her hand in his and began walking around the rest of the lake in silence. He knew that they had more to discuss but he wasn't going to push her anymore…at least for a while.


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm not going to make excuses for the really long wait to update. I just hope that I can continue this story and have it end the way I wanted it to from the start. Please enjoy and let me know what you think.**

Chapter 8

The rest of the day went as planned. Elliot and Olivia didn't really discuss much about their pasts. He wanted to give her time and space. Not sure of the future, Elliot was afraid of pushing her away. It wasn't until they were relaxing on his couch, drinking tea and watching " _Gone With the Wind_ " did either one say anything.

"I know this is going to sound a bit forward but when we were talking earlier, you said that you dated a few guys but nothing stuck. I know about Brian but who were the others that unsuccessfully scooped you up and whisked you off in to the sunset."

She could tell he was trying to keep things casual, but Olivia was freaking out on the inside. Telling Elliot about Tucker was definitely going to wipe the smile off of his face and as interesting as his reaction might be, she wasn't sure he was ready to hear about it and she wasn't sure she was ready to talk about it.

Olivia took another sip of her tea and looked down at her cup. "I'm not sure discussing my former lovers is a good use of our time."

Elliot placed his coffee mug on the side table, placed his hands on her thighs and smiled, "Why not? Afraid I might get jealous?"

She then placed her cup of tea down on the coffee table, tried her best to smile and looked him in the eyes. "No, but I am concerned that you won't be able to look at me the same."

He squinted his eyes and tried to understand what she was talking about. "Liv, I know that whatever we are doing here is new, but I need you to understand something. I'm not going anywhere. I know that with my past record, I'm going to have to prove myself, but I would never look at you any differently than I do now."

"Oh yeah…and how is that?"

He smiled and drew her in for a soft, quick kiss. "Is that explanatory enough for you?"

She smiled and looked down at his hands that were resting on her thighs. "I did the usual dating thing but things did get pretty serious with someone."

"Oh yeah, and who might that be?"

She sighed and was hoping this wouldn't spoil the mood. "Ed."

Elliot withdrew his hands from her thighs and squinted his eyes. He looked at her and shook his head. "Ed…Tucker?"

She nodded her head and looked down at her hands. "Yeah. We were seeing each other for a few years."

Elliot threw the blanket off of his lap, stood up and walked to the kitchen. He was getting angry but remembered his promise to her. He promised he wouldn't get mad or look at her differently, but he was having a hard time composing himself at the moment. He needed to breath.

Olivia stood up, walked to the kitchen, placed her hand on his shoulders and turned him to face her. "Elliot, it was a few years ago, he was there for me when no one else was. He's a good man."

Elliot looked her in the eyes and shook his head. "Are you kidding me? The guy tried like hell to get both of us fired…several times, Liv! How could you even go on a date with him let alone…a few years?"

She shook her head and even though she didn't want to, she shed a tear. "You promised me that if I told you, you wouldn't look at me differently. If this is how you are going to react then this conversation is over."

She turned and walked to the guest room, slammed the door and locked it. Elliot put his head down and slowly cussed himself out. How could he possibly have any right to judge her past but Ed Tucker? What the hell was she thinking? He couldn't get passed his anger and instead of following her and trying to talk her back into his arms, he walked outside. He had to get some air and level himself out if he was going to calm down.

He sat down on the bench and got lost in thought until he heard his back door slide open. He turned to see Olivia standing there fully dressed and holding her luggage. He stood up and walked toward her and only stopped when he saw her put her hands up to halt him.

"I'm leaving. My son needs me, I have to go back to work and I will be damned if I miss time with Noah to be judged and mistreated by a man who left me 8 years ago and never looked back. I was just going to get in my car but then I realized that I'm not you. I've left my address and phone number. Call me when you get your head out of your ass."

She turned her back to him and he didn't have the strength to chase after her. She got in her car and even though it was 8:30pm, she didn't care. All she had on her mind was getting as far away from this cabin and him as humanly possible. She's felt pain before. All kinds of pain: physical pain, emotional, self-inflicting. The way Elliot looked at her…that was more then she could handle.

As she drove off, Elliot couldn't help the tears that fell from his eyes. He did it again. He did the one thing he promised himself he would never do again. He hurt her and all because of what? A man that is no longer in the picture? He screamed at the top of his lunges, "Fuck! What the hell is wrong with me?!"

He knew that chasing her down would not be a good idea. Olivia Benson wasn't someone that forgave on a whim so instead he devised a plan. He would give her a few days to breath, compose herself, get her schedule back on track but then he would be there on his hands and knees if need be. He had a few more weeks of break before having to be back to work and although he planned on being at the cabin until his times was up, that wasn't an option now. Now, he was going back to the city, back to reality and back to whatever Olivia would allow him to be a part of.

It was two days of agony. The next morning, he packed his things, locked up the cabin and drove non-stop back to the city. Once he was in his apartment, he tried like hell to text Olivia. To apologize for his behavior but she wasn't responding back. He chalked it up to her being busy with work and Noah, but he knew that it was much deeper than that. He was about to call her again for the millionth time when his phone rang. It was his daughter Kathleen. He sighed and answered the phone.

"Hey baby."

"Hey dad! I heard you were back! Can we meet up and have lunch or maybe just some coffee?"

He was a little apprehensive about meeting up with anyone right now but he wasn't going to tell his daughter no. "Of course. Where?"

"I was thinking that coffee shop down the street from you say…1 o'clock?"

He agreed and hung up. He had so much on his mind but he did miss his kids. It had been a few months since he had seen Eli and a lot longer since he had seen his older kids.

Once he reached the coffee shop, he smiled when he saw Kathleen standing outside of the entrance waiting for him. He walked up to her, hugged her and sighed. "Hey kiddo. How are you?"

She smiled at her dad and she hugged him back. "I'm good. Missed you."

"I kind of figured that when I saw Olivia on my doorstep."

She smiled at him and walked in the coffee shop as her dad held the door open. Once they placed their order and sat down at a table in the far corner of the cafe, Elliot heard Kathleen sigh. "What?"

"Well, I see you are here and well but you don't seem to be happy. What happened between you and Olivia?"

"That is an extremely long story and one that I am not going to get in to with my daughter."

She was about to respond when the waitress brought over their coffees. Elliot was taking a sip of his coffee when he heard Kathleen respond. "Dad, I know that you and Olivia have a history but come on. She was there for a few days, you still had a month of a break so I know somethings happened?"

"Kathleen, I mean it. I'm not discussing this with you." He said it in the sternest way possible and even though that might have worked when Kathleen was a child, it sure as hell didn't work now.

"That is your way of saying that you screwed up. Dad, I know that I may just be your daughter and your privet life is your own but your happiness means a lot to me and I know that you care about her so what's the problem?"

He shook his head and set his coffee down. "The problem is that there is way too much history between us whether it be together or not and that seems to be getting in the way."

"Then don't let it. Dad, history is just that. Stop letting the past prevent you from having a future. This whole self-loathing thing is getting really old. Get over yourself and go get her."

He shook his head and looked at his daughter. "I wish it were that simple."

"It is. You just make it more complicated. Step out of the past and start walking in the future."

The rest of the visit they talked about Kathy, Eli and everything else he had missed out on while being on his vacation. He made it a point to talk to Kathy about taking Eli for the weekend and noted how Kathleen has grown. All of his kids were and it saddened him a little. He's missed out on so much.

As he sat on his couch, he couldn't help but drift to thoughts about Olivia. He couldn't believe that just a few days she had been in his life and he felt so alone without her. He already knew that she was the piece of the puzzle missing from his life but getting that piece back wasn't going to be easy. He quickly decided to throw caution to the wind and drove to her place. He wasn't going to let another minute slip by as she gets further and further away.

As he reached her building, his heart began to race. Would she let him in or would she slam the door in his face? As he reached to knock, he stopped himself when he heard a child laughing. He could also hear Olivia laughing as well. He didn't want to spoil what sounded like a great moment but he couldn't wait any longer. He knocked as loud as he could and waited.

As Olivia opened the door, he saw the smile on her face fade. Instead of letting him in, she walked him backwards and closed the door behind her. "What are you doing here?"

"I kept trying to call but you weren't responding. Liv, I know showing up like this was…is intrusive but I had to see you."

She shook her head and looked down, "Why? You made it clear in Buffalo that I disgusted you Elliot, so what more can you possibly have to say to me?"

Wait, did he miss something, "Olivia I never said…"

Olivia promptly interrupted him, "You didn't have to say anything. Elliot, you keep forgetting that we were a part of each other's lives for 12 years. I know every facial expression, every tick, every annoyance. I walked in to this thinking that we could work whatever this was out. You promised me that no matter what, you would give me the benefit of the doubt, that you would be there for me no matter what and not even a day later you hurt me. I can't trust you and I sure as hell can't trust that my son won't get attached and get hurt as well. That little boy in there is my entire world and I will be damned…"

He stopped her from speaking any further. "I know. I screwed up. I'm not going to make any excuses for how I acted but come on, Liv. You knew how I would react otherwise why not tell me about him when you told me about Brian?"

"It doesn't matter, Elliot!"

Elliot took a deep breath and rubbed the stubble in his face. "You're right. It doesn't and I'm sorry for how I reacted. I need you in my life Liv in whatever way possible. I'll back off, give you space. Whatever you want but please…don't shut me out. I made that mistake once and I won't do that again. I won't loose you again. I can't…"

She shook her head and looked away. "I don't…"

"Don't decide now. I know that I screwed up and I know that I still need to work on some things but please…I'm begging you here."

She stood there as a tear fell from her eyes. She ached to just touch him but she was seriously treading on still waters here. It was incredibly hard for her to open up to anyone because of what Elliot had done to her the first time and now he had hurt her again. Was she really going to open herself up to being hurt again and for what? A few moments of bliss?

"Elliot…I'm trying here. I want you in my life to but I can't…I won't continue down this road of pain, forgiveness and pain again. Something has to change."

"Like what." He was willing to do anything at this point.

She let her defenses down, looked him in the eyes and softly whispered, "Talk to my shrink."

"Wait, what? Liv, I'm not crazy. Maybe an asshole sometimes but…"

"Well neither am I, Elliot but he really helped me after I was abducted. It's not like a psych eval but maybe you and I need someone as a go between."

"Like couple's therapy?"

Olivia shook her head in agreement, "Exactly like couples therapy."

He had never thought Olivia would ever be a defender of the mental health but he did agree that they may have needed some help with communication. They seemed to go with emotion rather than logic and perhaps logic is what was needed in order to move forward.

"Set it up. I'll be there."

She smiled and nodded her head. At least he was willing to meet her half way. That was all she could ask for. Before she turned to open the door and go inside, she felt Elliot stop her by grabbing her upper arm. She turned to look at him and immediately softened.

"I am sorry, Liv. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know, El but we seem to hurt each other a lot unintentionally. We need to figure out why and how to stop doing it."

He nodded in agreement and smiled, "Can I at least give you a hug goodbye?"

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his middle section while laying her head on his chest. It felt like home. She could feel Elliot loosen his grip on her but as she went to pull away, she felt his lips on hers. She was going to push him away but couldn't bring herself to. He softly caressed her bottom lip before slipping his tongue in her mouth. This kiss started out soft and slow but once he heard her moan, he kissed her even harder. He still can't believe that a kiss can spin him around so much so that he was dizzy but kissing Olivia was absolute bliss. He pulled her body to his with his left hand while his right tangled in her hair while holding her head in place. He was about to pin her body to the front door and ramp things up but he stopped when he felt her pull away.

"We can't. Not only is my 6 year old son home but we still have so much to work on and mind numbing sex isn't going to help."

"Mind numbing huh? Is that a good thing?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "Sometimes, yes but right now…"

He reluctantly pulled away and whispered, "Yeah." As Olivia turned to open her door, Elliot whispered, "You are under my skin, Benson. I can't and won't give you up. You know that right?"

Olivia smiled, turned to look at him and softly whispered, "Same, Stabler." Once she closed the door behind her, Elliot couldn't stop smiling. Even though he and Kathy were married for almost 30 years, even though they had 5 kids together, nothing compared to this. He was whole heartedly in love for the first time in his life and it took his breath away. She took his breath away.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It had been an extremely long night. Elliot desperately needed sleep but all he could do was stare at his ceiling and think about…well everything and Olivia was at the center of his thoughts. He hated to talk to shrinks but he couldn't help but admit that talking to Dr. Huang and even Dr. Hendrix had helped him deal with some of his demons in the past. Even though Kathy begged him to at least have marital counseling with their priest, Elliot couldn't bring himself to go but for some reason, with Olivia, he would talk to whomever she wanted. As he laid on his bed with his hands behind his head, all he could do was hope that he doesn't do anything more to screw up. He knew that Olivia wasn't going to give him very many chances and he wasn't about to waste any more time without her by his side. He was terrified though.

The alarm next to his bed woke him up at 7:00am. He had forgotten to turn off his alarm but it didn't really matter much. He hadn't gotten that much sleep and he was up anyways. Grumbling and annoyed with himself, he got up and did his usual morning routine all the while his stomach was churning. He hoped to God that everything went well today because he was terrified of screwing everything up.

Elliot had arrived to a Dr. Peter Lindstrom's office. He waited outside for Olivia to arrive because he wasn't about to go in by himself. Just as he sat on the top step of the stoop, Olivia turned the corner and smiled as she made eye contact with him.

"I have to admit that I am a bit surprised you showed up. I know you hate shrinks."

She hugged him and he slowly released her but not before he placed a kiss on the top of her head making a mental note about how good she looked and smelled. "Not coming wasn't an option."

She smiled and followed him up the stoop and walking through the door as Elliot held the door. He had to take a deep breath and calm his nerves before walking in to this strangers office.

Once he and Olivia had reached the door, Olivia turned to Elliot and sighed. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to, Elliot. I don't want to force you."

Elliot shook his head and sighed, "You aren't forcing me. This is something we both need to do. Communication, especially with each other, has always needed…work on."

She couldn't help but agree. She did make this a condition in order for their relationship to move forward. Her fear is that this whole thing would backfire and she'd lose him forever. Elliot has never really been open to communication and she doesn't want to force him.

"I agree. I just…I want this to work, Elliot. I'm just afraid that this won't go as planned."

Elliot put his right hand under Olivia's chin and lifted it up so that she was looking him in the eyes. "Nothing will ever change my feelings for you, Liv. Granted my reaction to your past relationships weren't the best but I need to figure out how to process information without letting my emotions get in the way. My only request from you is to please have some patients and understanding."

Olivia couldn't really say anything but she could nod her head in agreement. She wanted to kiss him so badly but knew that it probably wasn't the best idea. Elliot pulled her body close to his and hugged her tightly. He wanted to show her how much he loved her without being too physical and scaring her.

As both of them walked in to the office, their hearts were pounding. They had high hopes that everything would work out for the best but in reality, they were incredibly skeptical. So much needed to be said and neither thought they would make it out unharmed. Olivia now understood the phrase " _Love is a battlefield_ " because both of them were going to have to fight like hell in order to get to the core of their issues…

As Elliot and Olivia walked in to Dr. Peter Lindstrom's office, the doctor stood up and greeted them with a smile. "How are you both doing today?"

Olivia smiled at the doctor and then looked at Elliot. "We're good but a bit nervous. Well…at least I am."

Elliot shook the doctor's hand and agreed with Olivia. They both sat down on the leather couch and got comfortable at either end, not touching in any way. Trying like hell to give each other space but yearning to be close.

The doctor sat down in a chair facing them. "So…I know Olivia but I haven't met you, Mr. Stabler. Why don't we start with introductions?"

Elliot sighed and made it a point to try and be as calm and cool as possible. "I'm sure Olivia has told you we were partners at SVU."

"Let me stop you there. Let's just pretend that I know nothing about you."

Elliot shook his head, "So we're pretending? I'm not following."

Dr. Lindstrom shifted in his chair and decided on a different rout. "Okay so let's do this a different way. Why don't I just ask you questions and you answer them?"

Elliot nodded in agreement. That was probably the easiest rout. "Okay…shoot."

"So why did you decide to be a cop?"

"My dad was a cop. I wanted to help people. Maybe make a difference."

The doctor nodded, wrote something down and looked back up at him. "So you admired him?"

"Not exactly. He was an asshole. A big stern Irish Catholic who didn't believe in affection and loved his discipline."

"But you just said you wanted to be a cop because he was. Was it a way to make him happy? Maybe make him proud of you."

Elliot was trying incredibly hard not to get upset but he was getting annoyed. "What the hell does my father have to do with anything?"

The doctor stopped his writing and looked at Elliot. "It has everything to do with it. Your life, your past sheds light on why you communicate or rather don't communicate. Your past, no matter how bad, makes up who you are today and no matter how hard you try, no matter how fast you run from it, it will follow you. What I am trying to bring up is the reaction to it."

"Reaction to what?"

"Talking about it."

Elliot shook his head and tried to control his breathing. "He never would be."

"I'm sorry?"

"My father. He never would be proud of me and I knew it. I thought that by becoming a cop, I could be better. Be a better man then he was. I guess I just…wanted to beat him."

As Elliot continued his conversation with the doctor, she couldn't help the tears that fell down her face. She knew his issues with his dad but she never understood. Now that he was beginning to open up a little more, she couldn't help but feel…sad. Why did it have to take a shrink to open him up? Why couldn't he just talk to her? She was taken out of her own head when she looked up and noticed that the conversation had stopped.

"Olivia, are you alright?"

Olivia only nodded her head yes and whipped away the tears she had shed. She didn't want to stop Elliot's progress and upset him. He was finally getting comfortable enough to talk and she was afraid she would halt his ability to be open.

"Olivia, you are crying. Why?"

"I'm not crying."

Elliot looked at her and couldn't help but notice the tears in her eyes. "What did I do? Did I say something wrong?"

Olivia shook her head and looked down at her hands. "You didn't do anything. That's the problem."

Elliot was now really confused. "What are you talking about?"

Olivia finally looked at him and sighed. "Elliot, you and I have been through a lot throughout the years. I've told you so much about my past, my feelings, my experiences. Why does it take a shrink to hear this about you? What is it about me that you feel you can't talk to me? That you can't trust me?"

Elliot scooted over to be closer to her. He took her hands in his and tried to make eye contact. "Liv, my shitty communication has nothing to do with you. I'm trying to work on this here, with you. For you. It was and still is easier for me to just keep my crappy life to myself. The last thing that I want to do is bring up my past. It's not exactly filled with happy memories."

Although she understood what he was saying, it still hurt. She used to believe that he had been open with her. Now she was learning that maybe he hadn't been and it hurt her more then she thought it would.

"Neither is mine, El but I still trusted you enough to tell you. Was that it? Did you just not trust me?"

The doctor finally intervened. "I don't think trust is the issue." Both Elliot and Olivia sighed and looked at the doctor. "From listening to Elliot talking, your reaction and a little about his past, Elliot trusting you isn't the issue."

Elliot was starting to get annoyed. "Enlighten us, Doc."

"I believe that Elliot trusts you. His issue is that he's internalizing to protect you and others from himself. He's afraid of destroying all that he loves."

Olivia was so confused now. What was he talking about? "Protect me from what?"

Elliot let her hands go, stood up and headed towards to door. "Okay…I'm done. I can't do this." As he began to walk out, he stopped himself. He knew that if he walked out that door, he'd lose Olivia forever. He rested his head on the door and began to shed a tear as he internally struggled.

"Elliot, I know this is hard but deep down, you knew this would be."

Elliot turned around and made eye contact with the woman he loved and was deathly afraid of loosing. "I can't…I can't go there."

Olivia walked over to him, put her hand on his shoulder and tried her best to sooth him. "I know and I need you to know that no matter what you say, you could never scare me. I love you, Elliot and I'm not going anywhere."

"Then why are we doing this?"

"Because I can't be with you and only have half of you. I deserve to have all of you, the good and the bad."

Elliot took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Liv, what if I can't? What if I tell you everything and then you decide to walk away?"

She knew what she was going to say would hurt him but she was past the point of internalizing. "Then you'll know how I felt when you walked away from me 8 years ago."

Elliot couldn't stop the tears that fell from his eyes. It wasn't until this moment that he truly felt what he did to her. He thought he was protecting her, freeing her when he left but in reality, he destroyed her like he was afraid of doing all along. He didn't have a verbal response. All he could think about doing was to pull her in to his embrace. He kissed her head, softly whispered "I'm so sorry," let her go and walked away. As he opened the door to the office, he turned to her and softly whispered "Maybe I'm not worth it, Liv" and closed the door behind him leaving Olivia in the office alone with the doctor.

As she stood there in silence, Olivia's heart broke. It broke for him and for herself. As she began to dry her eyes and grab her purse, the doctor stopped her. "Do you understand why he walked away?" Olivia could only shake her head no. "He doesn't believe he is worth it, Olivia. That's what I wanted him to admit. Elliot's biggest problem is that he believes deep down that he destroys everything and everyone that are important to him. That's why he distances himself. He's terrified of not only destroying everything but of also being alone. He's at a crossroad and I truly believe that you can get him down the right path."

Olivia shook her head in disagreement. "I don't think I can."

"Yes, you can. You just need to be patient and hold on to him. I know you, Olivia. If you love him and being with him is truly what you want, you have to let him know that no matter what, you will always be there. That no matter what, he hasn't and can't destroy you."

Olivia just sighed and nodded. Olivia did love him and she wanted to be with him but could she find it in herself to be the person he needed her to be? Could she really be that strong? She did promise herself that no matter what, she would take this one step at a time. Maybe this was the step she needed to take and patience was the key.


End file.
